"How to Survive a Toddler"

Yep. I Googled this phrase.

I didn't think to do it a few days ago when Lucas figured out how to reach up and open the front door handle and sneak out silently while I was brushing my teeth, causing me to panic and run out of the apartment barefoot with a mouth full of toothpaste -- locking us out.

Or early this morning when I caught him swishing his hands around in the toilet water.

Or at breakfast when he knocked a spoonful of oatmeal out of my hand sending oatmeal flying cross the floor, table and me.

Or today when I was cooking lunch, and Lucas waved bye-bye and walked into the bathroom shutting the door behind him... and I opened the door moments later to find him standing calf-deep in pooled toilet paper, huge grin on his face.

It didn't cross my mind after lunch when I was trying to load the dishwasher and Lucas pulled the silverware basket out and ran away with it. Or when he pulled the bottom tray of the dishwasher off the track onto the kitchen floor. Or when he was trying to climb up on top of the open dishwasher door and get inside. Or when he pulled one of the wheels off the rack and put it in his mouth and walked away with it.

I thought about it afterwards, when I was trying to change the wriggling child's full, poopy diaper, and he shoved a spatula (stolen from the dishwasher) so far into his mouth that he threw up chunks. It was at that moment that I thought to myself, I'm going to Google "how to survive a toddler" as soon as I get him down for his nap.